Mommy Fail or Rockstar?
Well, today I definitely did not use my best mommy-ing. I went from zero-100 in the blink of an eye. This angry, bitchy, mean mommy came out of me today. That woman whose voice I cannot stand spoke though me. And I felt powerless to stop it. I did not breathe, stop, gather myself, or attempt to see things from my 11-year-old son's point of view. I did not accept things as they were in that moment without judgement. I was judging the hell out of him and me.
So here's what happened. After attending my son's soccer game, playing a quick April Fool's joke and generally having a good start to my morning, I told my son that he needed to clean his room when we got home....and insanity ensued.
Now, let me backup. I am of the kind of mom that allows her son to keep his room anyway he would like. My only rule is that he's not allowed to bring food in there. The agreement is that he will do a quick clean up a couple of times a month and clean it thoroughly about once a month. Now, that doesn't seem like a lot, right? We actually wrote the agreement down so there would be no discussion about it later.
Back to today. I say he needs to clean his room because it's way over due and he acts like I asked him to move mountains using only his left pinky-finger. Huffing and puffing ensued. He actually got close to tears. He banged his hand on the dashboard in frustration and loudly complained at how unfair I am. And. I. Lost. It. I got about an inch from his face, yelled at the top of my lungs, rattled off the amazing things I do for him on a daily basis, then sent him to his room. I was shaking in anger. It took me several minutes to calm down. Several minutes where I was cursing under my breathe about his ingratitude, how I am obviously failing as a mom and how my son is obviously growing into a self centered, lazy, angry young man.
But eventually I did calm down. I put some space between us. I breathed deeply . I said a short prayer. I put some music on. And I thought about how to set a better example of sharing frustration and how to model my own anger management. I apologized to my son for scaring him and not managing my own anger. I told him my plan for making changes and he apologized and came up with a plan to mange his own anger and frustrations. We hugged and he got to work cleaning his room.
No, today was not a gold-star mommy day... Or was it? After some reflection I realized a few things. Today my son learned that everyone makes mistakes. He learned that apologizing and setting things straight is how you maintain trust in a relationship. He learned to self-reflect on his behavior and he learned that no matter what, his mom loves him. I learned some things too! I learned that his anger is a trigger for me and I have some work to do around that. I learned that I skipped my meditation this morning, and doing that truly does have direct consequences for me.
These are not bad life lessons for two people to learn. Turns out I'm not perfect. As I'm writing and exploring The Mindful Speech Path with you, I am learning and growing as well. I can forgive myself for my short comings and thereby teach my son how to do the same. Mommy fail? I think not. Today WAS a Gold-Star, Rock Star mommy day!!! It was chock full of life lessons. And tomorrow, I hope to apply the lessons I've learned and do even better!
#anger #mommyfail #forgiveness #doingourbest #mistakes #lifelessons #breathe
